Copyright © 2001, Joke A Day, Inc. -- ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Last updated January 7, 2002
Welcome to "The Biggest Publicity Stunt The Internet Has Ever Seen." (Brought To you by AOL -- click HERE.)
At least, according to one pundit.
In late May / early June 2001, there was a hoax concerning the "sulfnbk.exe" "virus".
Email went around the world telling people that on May 25 (or June 1), 2001 the "virus"
would "activate". People were told how to delete the file from their system. The
email was in the form of a chain letter and told people to forward the letter to
everyone they'd sent email to in the past few months and warn them about this file.
The sulfnbk.exe file actually does nothing more than allow for long file names within Windows. It's
benign and quite harmless. But thousands (millions perhaps?) of people deleted the
file anyway based on the "say-so" of a chain letter.
My "love" of AOL is legend. I believe the idea of AOL is a wonderful
idea. I am in awe of their tremendous marketing power. However, in the four+ years of
running Joke A Day I have grown to detest the exact kind of people AOL markets to: the
clueless teeming millions who have absolutely no business anywhere near a computer
or on the Internet.
A cursory glance through my letters archives will show the absolute stupidest people all
proudly carry @AOL.COM on the ass-end of their email addresses. Of requests I get for information
about Joke A Day WHERE THE INFORMATION IS RIGHT ON THE DOCUMENT THEY'RE FORWARDING TO ME 85%
of those requests come from AOL people. (They comprise less than 20% of my mailing lists and less
than 10% of my site visitors.) The overwhelming majority of AOL people DO NOT read instructions.
They DO NOT follow directions. They DO NOT have any business near a computer whatsoever. I'm not
the only webmaster / list owner who feels this way, but sometimes I think I'm the only one with balls
enough to say it. </rant off>
With the sulfnbk.exe "virus" in mind, on June 2, 2001 I wrote the following tongue-in-cheek
piece and sent it to my Premium Mailing List subscribers:
Pay attention:
VIRUS WARNING!!!
It has been brought to my attention that there's an insidious
new computer virus which has already affected close to
30 million computers.
Even though I'm running the latest McAfee and Norton
viri scans, neither have picked up this virus as it's a
mutating virus which isn't set to go off until Friday, June 8,
2001.
As many viri are, this one is transmitted by email. I'm
required by law to contact everyone that has received email
from me in the last six months and warn them about this
virus.
TO REMOVE THIS VIRUS BEFORE IT BECOMES
EFFECTIVE:
** Click your start button.
** Click on "Find".
** Click on Files / Folders.
** Change the "look in" input box to "My Computer".
** The named input file should have: AOL.EXE
Once the find engine has located the file, highlight it and
press the delete button.
Deleting this file will fix a damaged 30 megabyte area
of your hard drive and restore it to full functionality.
WARNING: KEEPING THIS FILE ON THE SYSTEM AFTER
JUNE 8 WILL COST YOU $2.90 MORE PER MONTH!
FAILURE TO REMOVE THIS FILE WILL KEEP YOUR
"UPPER MEMORY MANAGEMENT" MODULE OF YOUR
INTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT (IQ OVER 85) BLOCKED.
DELETING AOL.EXE WILL FREE YOUR IQ TO GO ABOVE
85!!!
DELETING THIS FILE WILL ALLOW YOU TO SPELL
CORRECTLY AND USE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
PROPERLY.
BADLY INFECTED SYSTEMS (I.E., SYSTEMS THAT
HAVE DESTROYED YOUR ABILITY TO FOLLOW THE
SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS ABOVE) CAN HAVE THE VIRUS
REMOVED BY TELEPHONE. CALL 1-888-265-8008 AND
TELL THE OPERATOR TO CANCEL THE VIRUS. THE
OPERATOR WILL DEACTIVATE THE VIRUS FROM THEIR
END.
TECHNICAL NOTE: YOU **MUST** EXPLAIN TO THE
OPERATOR YOU'RE ATTEMPTING TO DEACTIVATE THE
AOL.EXE VIRUS. THE TECHNICAL SUPPORT OFFICE
YOU'RE TALKING TO IS EXTREMELY PROFESSIONALLY
EMBARRASSED BY UNLEASHING THIS VIRUS ON THE
WORLD AND WILL DELAY DEACTIVATING IT. FOR LEGAL
REASONS, THEY MAY EVEN *DENY* THE EXISTENCE
OF THE AOL.EXE VIRUS. DON'T FALL FOR THEIR STORY!
On June 5, 2001, I sent the same joke to the 342,000 people who are on my
Joke A Day mailing list.
And that's when the fun began.
People who are computer literate and share my "love" for AOL thought my work
was brilliant. (Naturally, I agreed with them.) Computer novices were
terrified. And the overwhelming majority of people who CAN open up Windoze
Exploder (heh) and call themselves "knowledgeable computer people" freaked.
I received over 3000 messages from readers calling me everything from a
genius to a heartless bastard who's destroying valuable computer property.
I culled some of the better messages and put them on my letters page. I've
duplicated those letters below.
As you'll be able to tell from the letters, I'm a smartass. If anyone was
dumb enough to believe a JOKE LIST would send out a valid virus warning, then I
felt they were fair game to continue to poke fun at. (I particularly enjoyed
the letter from Lou saying he'd not found AOL.EXE, but had found AUTO.EXE. I
told him that file controlled the monitor's spatial controls to keep it from
moving while the Earth rotated so he shouldn't delete it.)
News stories from around the world. (Very graphic intensive -- slow modems beware!) -- Last Updated January 7, 2002
Letters from real people who appreciated my style of humor. -- Last Updated July 16, 2001
Letters from real people who have no business near a computer. -- Last Updated July 16, 2001
About.COM's schizoid feelings about my little joke. -- Last Updated July 16, 2001
The bastards at Symantec who should know better than to piss off a comedian. -- Last Updated July 20, 2001
Follow-up articles. -- Last Updated July 16, 2001
AOL FAQ
