The Judi Awards
Brian
March 9, 1999

I was starting to think that with the enormous amounts of press that Judi gets on weekends and with the exchange immortalized with her (and her subsequent worthy recipients of the award bearing her name) on the web page at http://www.jokeaday.com/nfjudi.shtml that I'd finally reached the point where Judi Awards were going to be a rare thing.

Guess I should give myself one for being THAT stupid, huh?

It seems recently I've been getting a rash of folks who just flat don't like it when I pick on God. Now, it's my personal belief that God *gave* me this sense of humor. If the Supreme Being created me in his own image, and *I'm* able to laugh at myself, then I believe God himself would chuckle at the things I say. Then again, perhaps when I transfer from this mortal realm (to use my old Navy days) my orders will have me reporting to my new Commanding Officer, a Mr. Mephistopheles.

Anyway, Brian hadn't even received his FIRST joke yet, but he wanted to let me know what kind of humor he expected ...

I'm looking forward to the jokes of the day! I hope you can keep them clean!

In Christ J,
brian

You're kidding, right?

Ray
Joke A Day

Actually, NO! It would be nice to have jokes that I could actually TELL to my friends and colleagues. If these jokes are offensive, please let me know!

brian

Who you are is God's gift to you.
What you make of yourself is your gift to God.

Brian, did you actually have an opportunity to READ the Welcome Letter we send out? You got one when you signed up for the subscription. In it we tell people what kind of humor we do here.

There's a purpose to putting that stuff in the Welcome Letter. It gives out vital information, warns people about stuff we do here, and when people don't READ it -- they wind up wasting MY time. They complain about stuff that's covered in the Welcome Letter. They ask questions that had they simply READ the Welcome Letter, they wouldn't have to ask. It prevents them from looking REAL dumb.

I suggest you go READ it.

Thanks, DICKHEAD!!!

In Christ J,
brian

Yeah, boy, YOU'RE a real Christian soul. Let's eavesdrop on your prayers this coming evening, shall we?

Dear God:

You know, I've been seeking Your guidance in helping me find a joke list that would bring credit to You. I realize I'm a humorless Purdue student in the equally laughless Lafayette, Indiana, but surely there must be some form of humor OTHER than those "sex with farm animal" jokes. As You know, they hit way too close to real life for me.

I found a listing called Joke A Day, God, and I signed up immediately because I felt Your call upon my heart as this was a "Good Thing". (Or, maybe that was Martha Stewart in background on HGTV, I'm not sure).

I wonder, Lord, why you struck me illiterate upon receipt of Joke A Day's Welcome Letter and subsequently embarrassed me in front of the moderator of the Joke A Day listing. he (notice how I did not capitalize the pronoun as so as make sure the moderator isn't confused with a deity) called me to task, Lord, and asked me why I didn't read the Welcome Letter where it said that Joke A Day actually tells . . . brace Yourself . . . *nasty* jokes!

Lord, I was overcome with rage and indignation when the moderator challenged my third grade education (well above the minimum requirements to get into Purdue). I'm afraid, Lord, that I called him a "dickhead".

I know, I know, I was weak. I was trying to think of how *small* this man made me feel, so the first thing that came to mind was the smallest thing *I* owned.

I hope, Lord, you'll forgive me, restore my ability to read and follow directions, and . . . well . . . while I'm asking . . . if you could just . . . uhh . . . double the size . . . then, dear Lord, I'd actually be able to ditch the tweezers and magnifying glass I have to use currently to . . . uhhh . . . read those Animal Husbandry magazines.

Amen,

Brian The Miniature