Dear Cathie:
Hey, congrats on your article in Entertainment Weekly that I saw recently!
But, (you knew there was a "but" coming up) I was under the impression that you were going to have the writer of the article contact *me*. You know I love ya, but somehow that writer never got around to talking to me. By chance, did you lose my phone number?
Frankly, the loss of publicity that this article could have generated really hurts. I know there's a simple explanation. I know we've been friends for a long time. I'm just wondering.
Smooches,
Ray
Joke A Day
Hi Ray,
Hey, how's it shaking? I'm glad you put the links up to amused.com -- the hits have really been coming through. I hope my link back to Joke A Day has helped you out as much!
Now, let's talk about the EW article. If you remember correctly, what I *told* you was that I'd *think* about having the writer contact you. I needed to mull over the decision about referring your site to EW.
I spent all weekend thinking about it. I went out to your site, looked over your letters, your Dweeb Letter, and your Judi Awards.
Unfortunately I came to a very difficult decision. You're right, you and I HAVE been friends for a very long time. That's why I feel I can tell you this: Ray, you're a dickhead sometimes. I mean, sometimes you just come across as an asshole.
The language that you use is uncalled for. The letters seem to be nothing but "unsubscribe me", "unsubscribe me", "take me off", and then your smart ass comments back. You know, the first 30 or 40 times it's funny; then it just grates.
So, that's why I didn't refer you. Yeah, you have your moments, but, for the most part, it just isn't funny anymore.
Like I said, we've been friends for a long time and I feel like I know you well enough to have given you this honest criticism. You know how important politeness is to me. Hey, I'm a Canadian; I can't help it.
You and I have talked about doing some other joint ventures and I'm sure we can work on it and make it a success. I still luv ya and hope you can take this critique of your site in the spirt that I'm giving it -- in the hope that you'll be able to get past the "unsubscribe battle" crap and do some REAL funny stuff. I know it's in you!
Love,
Cathie
Yo, Cathie:
Wow. I've sat here for the last twenty minutes reading and re-reading your letter.
I'm just stunned. Speechless. And incredibly hurt.
You're right -- we've been friends for a long time. (Hell, we have the same BIRTHDAY, for Christ's sake). But this . . . well . . . *attack* . . . I don't know. I just wasn't prepared for it.
Yeah, maybe it's jealousy on my part when I see sites like yours and The Onion get all of the press releases and the "main media" stories. Geeez -- *JAD* gets more visitors per day than Amused OR Onion, but I don't see my name in Time, Newsweek, or Entertainment Weekly for crying out loud. I mean, if you want to get critical about the whole thing, have you *looked* at *your* site recently? It's nothing but links. Just like any fool over on Geocities. When's the last time you put an "original thought" out on Amused? (Adding a link just won't do it, I'm afraid).
Calling it the "Centre For The Easily Amused" at least has the audience pegged right. They'd pretty much have to be bored (whacked?) out of their skull to spend more than five minutes at the site.
Look, I'm going to shut up because I really *do* value our friendship and I don't want to say something I'll regret. I'll take your "advice" and evaluate it and let you know what I think of it.
Thanks,
Ray
Joke A Day
Ray,
Get a grip.
Look, I've been doing this since before you ever HEARD the word Internet. Sounds to me like you're DAMNED insecure about your efforts to "bring some laughter" to people. Must be some truth to what these folks say in the letters and the Dweeb letters. Makes me wonder what you DON'T publish. Afraid of taking some *real* criticism?
Good Lord, I'm signed up for your list, HumourNet's, and about a dozen other joke lists. *None* of you come up with anything original. At least HumourNet doesn't even PRETEND to come up with original stuff like you do. HumourNet's the only list around that even TRIES to get "newer" stuff -- and they're as limp as three day old lettuce. I notice about two days after it appears in Oracle or Joke Of The Day (who is bigger than you, by the way), it runs on Joke A Day. What's up with THAT?
It's obvious that you haven't even VISITED Amused.com lately! It's full of original humour by me and several other folks, and I spend hours adding new stuff. It's not just links any more, although my collection still kicks butt.
Look, it's obvious that we didn't REALLY care for each other's work. We obviously just wanted to get a link from each other's site because we both have some pretty decent traffic levels (mine better than yours, of course). But, I simply can't respect someone who thinks the height of hilarity is blasting someone publicly because they call you a "dickhead". Your readers must be pretty "whacked" themselves considering this kind of tripe "humor".
Thanks for your help in the past, but I'm going to be removing my link to JAD today. I am formally requesting YOU remove your link to Amused.
Regards,
Cathie Walker
Amused.com
Ms. Walker:
Already removed the link. Forever.
It's a shame it came to this. I'm not totally sure why you felt like you had the right to comment about the Joke A Day site when Amused couldn't hold a candle to it. In number of hits. Or visitors. Or content. Or -- most important of all -- quality.
Perhaps I should have an additional category of clueless folks (along with my tirades about AOL and WebTV): Amused.COM members. Folks that think a collection of *links* is the height of humor obviously couldn't *buy* a clue.
Ray Owens
Joke A Day
Mr. Owens:
This will be the final communication between you and me.
Be advised that from this point forward, any mail from the jokeaday.com domain will be returned unread / blocked from getting through.
Amused.com wouldn't WANT to "hold a candle" to a site that depends on "Howard Stern" or "8th Grade Boys Locker Room" type humor. You can take that candle and ... no, never mind. That would be stooping to your level.
I've had several of my people who've visited your site write me and tell me how you've treated them when they've written you with simple requests. You have to remember most of Amused's crowd are new to computers. They're looking for help sometimes and when a humor moderator like yourself blasts them, well, it's uncalled for.
While you're on the subject, Amused's crowd may not be the most experienced people on the Internet, but they recognize good quality entertainment when they see it. Unlike Joke A Day's crowd who believe *your* every utterance is the work of genius. Please. When you stop ripping off jokes from Readers' Digest, come talk to me. And when Joke A Day's readers' collective IQ is in the 3 digit range, they'd then be welcome to Amused.
I'm sure you're completely ignorant of this fact, but there is an organization that I'm encouraging all of my members to write to in complaint of your immature, undignified manner. You're in no way qualified to run a humor based service. I'll have them write to abuse@internet-police.net. The Internet Police domain is staffed by Internet professionals who will, no doubt, review your site, your actions, and will pass along to Internic their opinion your domain is not to be renewed.
Disgusted,
Cathie Walker
Amused.com
Well, kind readers, that's where we left it. Not exactly the funniest exchange, I'm sure you'd agree. But I thought I'd bring this to your attention because, as a class, Joke A Day's readers are being maligned by someone who professes to want to entertain and bring laughter to thousands.
I'd like you to weigh in with your opinion. Even though Amused has banned the jokeaday.com domain, I have a few tricks up my sleeve to get your opinion to her. Send your opinion to disgusted@jokeaday.com and your comments will be forwarded via anonymous remailer to Ms. Walker.
In addition, if you'd also be so kind when you weigh in with your
opinion, I'd appreciate it if you'd also send a copy to
abuse@internet-police.net. The Internet Police is a new
agency set up to monitor questionable activity throughout
the Internet and they need to have copies of all of the reports
about this matter. If you don't do this, then Amused's brain
dead minions will simply flood the mailbox at the Internet Police
with THEIR side of the story and Joke A Day will face an uphill
battle in renewing our domain registration.
I promise, tomorrow we'll be back to the regular joke cycle. In the meantime, head on out to the web page at http://www.jokeaday.com to get your daily joke fix.
Regards,
Ray
Joke A Day
For the clueless in the crowd, and to explain the 3/32/99 date,
it's real simple.
It wasn't real.
It was an April Fool's joke. And a rather successful one, if you
must know. Between Cathie and myself, we received WELL over 8000
responses. Some'd slam my site, some would slam her site, some
would slam BOTH of us for being so immature.
Then there were hundreds of, "Oh, my God, you GOT me" letters.
For as soon as someone wrote to disgusted@jokeaday.com or filled
out a form on Cathie's site, they'd get a polite little autoresponder
which told them it was all an April Fool's joke.
Here's the April 2, 1999 edition of Joke A Day which explains it
all:
"Do we REALLY look that dumb?"
Yeah, some of you REALLY do. But I love ya for it, anyway.
Ok, let's all say it together about yesterday's email and the
"hacking" of Joke A Day's web site: "APRIL FOOL'S".
Cathie Walker and I are the best of friends. There's absolutely
NO animosity between the two of us. Yes, she really did get
a mention in Entertainment Weekly. Yes, I really did ask her
if she could put in a good word for me. Yes, she really did call
me an asshole. (No, I'm KIDDING about that point). It was
way too late. By the time I knew EW was looking for humor
sites, the issue had already gone to press.
But it was a grand day yesterday. Cathie and I had planned
this for almost two weeks. By noon yesterday I'd received
close to 2500 messages from folks. It was a delight to see the
mail come in with "Oh, you BASTARD -- no one has nailed me
on April Fool's in a decade!". This means we did our job.
One of my favorite "gotchas" was Vince Sabio at Humournet.
He was *IN* on the whole thing, because we used his
"internet-police.net" domain to share your letters to the world.
But Vince had gone to bed before I decided to "hack" my own
site. When he went to the site Thursday morning, he saw that
"someone loyal to Amused.com" had "hacked" Joke A Day he
sent a message to all concerned. Heh.
Some of y'all are just downright MEAN, tho. I gotta tell ya, my
Judi Awards and Dweeb letters don't EVER get as venomous
as some of the stuff I saw yesterday. There was ONE
particular "trigger" phrase which seemed to set everyone off:
"And when Joke A Day's readers' collective IQ is in the 3 digit
range, they'd then be welcome to Amused." Good God, you'd
think I'd insulted people's mothers. Guess I know what hot
buttons to press in the future!
Speaking of Dweebs and Judi's, I *did* get a new Dweeb out of
the thing. I've not posted it yet, but I think you'll enjoy it. Just
like "Joseph"'s Judi Award last year (when Joseph delighted in
seeing Joke A Day "go out of business"), a certain Mr. Duffy
was doing a premature dance on my grave, too. It'll be
interesting to see your reactions to his letter.
What was interesting was the number of folks who weren't so
much disappointed that my site was hacked, but that they
couldn't get to the Babe or Hunk. Those pix (and they're good
ones) will be on "Last Week's Babe / Hunk" on Monday. The
Poll that was scheduled for Thursday will be run on Monday.
Same with the One Liners that were scheduled for Thursday.
And Chris White did a number on his OWN contributors for
April Fool's. In any case, the website also broke a record. By
the time it's all over, I believe over 33,000 people will have
visited the site. (Y'all come back EVERY day, y'hear?)
Letters, letters, letters. I'll do up a special letters page, when
this all calms down a little bit, showcasing some comments.
Finally, thanks to Cathie for helping me out with this. *I* wrote
the entire Judi dialogue, both my part and hers. She tweaked
it a little bit, but all of the insults that were hurled I actually
wrote (including the 3 digit IQ comment). I dated the mail and
her Judi Award 3/32/99 which is not a real date. Just like her
"Judi Award" -- it's not real. But it will stay on Joke A Day's
site for all time. I couldn't have pulled it off without her help.
Fair warning -- wait to you see what I planned for NEXT year.
Click here to see letters from the masses about the 3/32/99 Battle Between Joke A Day
and Amused.com
Click here to see the "hacked" Joke A Day page from 3/32/99.
