This last Tuesday I posted a new "Dweeb" letter from
Monika at AOL. She'd written in response to this (admittedly tasteless)
joke:
A man sees a bumper sticker on a car in the parking lot and
finds it intriguing so he goes for a closer look. The sticker
reads : WWJD 69. He stands puzzling over this for awhile.
The car's female owner comes back to the car and gives the
man a crafty look. The man asks her what the sticker
means. He says, "I've heard of WWJD, What Would Jesus
Do, but what's with the 69?"
The woman smiles and says, "Well, you know . . . '69',
right?"
"Really?" The man is further intrigued.
"Yes. Well, 'WWJD 69' is 'what would Jesus taste like?'"
Her response was so stupid I just sat there with my mouth open for a few minutes trying to comprehend
how people like her could exist. I wrote her a completely
tongue in cheek reply.
Then she answered me.
In the face of such overwhelming stupidity, I have no choice
but to award another Judi Award. I thought long and hard
about this, because we just had one. I don't want the Judi
to be awarded *except* in those cases of jaw-dropping
dumbness -- and Monika certainly qualifies.
Joke A Day's 10th Judi Award Winner -- Monika
Monika with AOL
I didn't appreciate that, it is not right to make fun of Jesus
Christ, I am a firm believer in the Catholic religion and that
joke was really wrong. Go make fun of the Jews no one
cares about them. I've never ever heard you make fun of Jews
ever so I've came to the conclusion that you are a Jew
Lover.......
E> Monika
Dearest Monika:
Wow -- can you let me know which Catholic church you're a
member of? It sounds like I need to "get right with God", and
leave my Jew-loving past behind.
Look, I know when I need help, so I thought that maybe you
can show me the way.
I've been wrong in the way I've treated AOL people. It's
obvious that there's MANY intelligent folks like you behind
that screen. You just needed a catalyst to reach out. I'm
glad you broke your silence, saw me for what I really am,
and offered some helpful hints to make my business grow.
More "Jew" jokes. Damn -- there's got to be a million of 'em.
I bet you've already read where I don't show many different
races of "babes". I hope that makes up for my "Jew Loving"
ways. All of the guys I put on the hunk pages are gay, so
I'm certainly going to have to work on that part of my
relationship with God. (Well, not ALL of them are gay -- just
the ones that are better looking than I am. The sluts!)
I think you're right about "no one loving the Jews". I'm not
sure how old you are, but the world lost a TRUE visionary in
1945 when Adolph and his lovely bride Eva decided to "check
out". The world's not seen his likes since. I understand
there's pilot training programs worldwide, though, so maybe
the dream continues!
Do you think it'd be ok to tell "'darkie' jokes" now? I mean,
you seem to have you pulse on what's funny, so I really
wanted to get your opinion on this. I'd be willing to bet that I
wouldn't suffer so much if all of those 'darkies' left my list -- I
mean, hell, if there really IS a subset of humanity that's
dumber than AOL, it's those darkies, right? Anyway, since
I'm kind of new to this whole Christian / Catholic thing, I've
always heard that folks who are "Jew Lovers" just LOVE
those 'darkies' so I thought I'd see if that connection is still
valid. Since I'm renouncing my love of Jews, I figure, what
the hell, might as well go for broke, huh?
While I'm thinking about it, do you know of a good place to
get sheets done so they're REALLY white? I bet you do!
In Jesus' Name:
Ray
Joke A Day
Dear Ray,
Well I'm glad that you have found faith in God! And what is
it with the "AOL people are stupid thing" why is there this
stereo type that people who have AOL are stupid! I totally
don't get that! But hey whatever floats you boat! And why
were you talking about men that are better looking that you (
I'm sure there's a lot of them) but that had no point in your e-
mail whatsoever! Well it doesn't matter if you did find faith in
God or not ( I 'm not all THAT religious but I just thought that
remark about how Jesus tasted was uncalled for). And my
age why is my age a factor in this to answer you about how
old I am well I'm old enough!
E> Monika
Dearest Monika:
Well, Mon, I'm sorry -- I keep forgetting that I have a
tendency to run off at the mouth sometimes.
But since you seemed to be much more intelligent than the
average AOL person, I thought I could slip in a few "random
thoughts" and you'd be able to pick up on my thought
process. Sorry I was so oblique. It's an occupational
hazard.
Like President Clinton, I'm a "victim" of my upbringing. My
parents wouldn't hesitate to smack me upside the head if
they caught me doing something stupid so, using his
definition, I'm an "abused victim", too. I'm sure that's lead
me to be easily influenced by the "AOL people are stupid"
myth and I plead guilty about helping perpetrate the rumors.
I mean, it's obvious that *you're* a typical AOL user and look
at how creative and intelligent *you* are! :)
I've REALLY taken a lot of flak recently about my bashing of
AOL folks. I can't tell you how pleased I am that you wrote
me and set me straight on so many things. While I'm
absolutely positive there's folks using other ISPs who share
your thoughts on things, I'm heartened to know that AOL
seems to have a subset of its membership list that feels the
way you do.
I'd asked you about your age because I didn't know if you
were old enough to remember Adolph and Eva. *I'm* not old
enough to know about them personally (they died 13 years
before I was born) but I just wondered if you were familiar with
his work with the Jews? I think there was a movie or two
about it.
I mentioned the "gay guys" and how only "gay men" are
better looking than I am because that's the truth, isn't it?
Aren't all of the good looking men in Hollywood gay? I'm no
Robert Redford, mind you, (I'm more like "Fat Bastard"), but I
just thought it was one of those truisms that the best looking
guys on the planet are gay. (Oh my -- you don't think this is
going to make me a "Gay Lover", do you?? Wouldn't want
that to get out! Uh oh -- unintentional pun -- Gay -- Out! Get
it?? ROFLMAO! -- oh *stop*!)
There was something that has confused me and I wanted to
get your spin on it: you said that I was a Jew-lover and what
brought this whole thing to a head was my, admittedly,
tasteless joke about Jesus. (Oh my, MORE unintentional
puns here -- "brought it to a head" and a "tasteless" joke
about how Jesus "tasted", heh heh heh) I'm guessing you
stuck up for your beliefs (even though you admit in this letter
than you're "not all THAT religious") because I assumed that
you love Jesus.
But, wasn't Jesus a Jew?
Thanks again for writing. You've really opened my eyes.
Ray
Joke A Day
